Susan Sandberg with the Farrelly Brothers on the Hall Pass set
So, you’ve been writing songs for film and television long enough that you have collaborated with some of the funniest directors in Hollywood—including the Farrelly Brothers, who have asked you to audition for their latest movie. And after a read of the script, plenty of unsolicited advice, and a real, live audition, you have won a role.
Wait, WHAT??!
Now, you are going on location to shoot your scenes in the film. But what do you do? Spencer Tracy once said, “Know your lines and don’t bump into the furniture.” There’s no arguing that. My mom would say, “Always be polite, young lady!” Even better advice. Should you need a little more to go on, here’s a handy reference guide to make any songwriter a better actor.
What NOT To Do On A Movie Set:
- Don’t be a diva. You’re not Mariah Carey.
- Don’t yell “Cut!” Let someone else do it. Like the director. You’ll get fewer stink-eye looks from people around you.
- Probably not the coolest to stand near the craft services table and shout, “Hey, this is free? No way, all this food is free? Guys, look, this is free food here! All of it! Captain Crunch! Ice Cream! Fish tacos! BLTs! Let’s eat it!”
- Do NOT get caught hoarding those Twizzlers and cereal for winter. (But go ahead and do it - who knows when your next gig is? Why do you think “messenger bags” were invented?)
- Don’t insist on everyone gathering in a prayer circle like Madonna did in her Truth or Dare movie…you don’t want to make God cringe, especially right before you’re asking for his help to hit your mark.
- Don’t get really drunk the night before your night shoot. Although it was actually suggested, it won’t make you sleep better or longer. And while we’re at it, don't even think of drinking or smoking or any other mood-altering experience before you arrive on set…this is not your recording studio! Save it for the van.
- Don’t ask the director why you don’t get one of those cool folding chairs with your name on it. And then ask him a few more times. And then tap him on the shoulder and ask one last time because maybe he didn’t hear you before. Yeah, don’t do that.
- Don’t watch a DVD of Moulin Rouge in your trailer believing it will help you stay awake during a break in your night shoot. It won’t.
- Forget that you are wired for audio at all times (Reference Bale, Christian. See Unfortunate Folklore, Hollywood. Vol. 90,680).
- Don’t use grandiose terms in reference to your “craft,” “vision” or “artistry.” No one likes hearing it on Inside the Actors Studio so why would anyone want to hear it on the set? And don’t refer to yourself in the third person. Ever. Thanks.
- Don’t be overly prepared or stick to the script.
What You SHOULD Do on a Movie Set:
- Do be overly prepared and stick to the script.
- Have your doubts, but trust your instincts.
- Make friends with your driver (Remember what your mother said).
- Bring throat lozenges. The dryness of your mouth will increase exponentially as the giant camera lens moves closer to your face.
- Use the hotel gym (It’s just a good rule to work out in general).
- Be nice to the make-up people. And when you leave the set, be nice to waitresses, parking lot attendants, baggage handlers and barbers everywhere for the rest of your life.
- Take it all in, every moment you can, because it’s fun. You’re in a movie—how cool is that? You’re sure to find that everyone on the set is nice and creative. The mood is relaxed. You may even get to keep the sneakers they gave you—bonus! And as a songwriter, this is your chance to take the advice of one of the great ones, Warren Zevon, who reminded us to “enjoy every sandwich.” Especially from craft services.
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